Gardening is Cheaper Than Therapy!

Wow, quite a bit of time has passed since my last post. I guess it's time for me to sit down with a cup of coffee and do a bit of catching up.

I have been working on clearing a rather large flower garden of about two years worth of weeds. The garden isn't mine, it belongs to my husband's grandmother and she has been physically unable to care for it for quite some time. So I began weeding it simply because I wanted to be out working in a garden and don't actually have one of my own. Plus, I know how much her flower garden means to her so it was just a nice thing for me to do.

While weeding her flower garden (which I'm not finished with yet), a few realizations came to me. First, weeds are really good things to take your frustrations out on. You can rip them up from the ground, throw them anywhere you want and throw them as hard as you want. You can scream at a weed, get an attitude with a weed and call it all sorts of names and no one cares. No one gets their feelings hurt, and you don't have to watch what you say or be nice to them. Second, working in a garden is a good time and place to talk to God. Third, you can get deeply lost in thought and contemplation about your life and things that are going on. And all three of these things can lead to all sorts of revelations.

One revelation that I've come to is that our lives are a lot like gardens. When properly cared for the garden can be so beautiful, but when not taken care of, things can become just as frustrating as a garden with two (or more) years of weeds.

In nature, there is rain an storms, and the same holds true for out lives. Weed seeds can drop into the gardens of our lives from anywhere, something we hear, something we see, something we think and even things we say. When the rain and storms come the weed seeds begin to grow. And there are all sorts of weeds. Some are easy to pull up and some spread out their roots, creep across the ground and wrap themselves around the plants we want to keep and can choke the plants to death. Often we look for the quickest and easiest ways to get rid of the weeds so we cut them off with clippers or run through them with a mower. When we do that, it looks like we have effectively taken care of the weeds. But in reality we have made our problem worse because "quick fixes" often allow the weeds to drop more seeds and the roots of the original weeds are still there, so they begin to regrow and the seeds they've dropped begin to sprout. Now we have two (or more) times the amount of weeds as we had to begin with! And after a while it all becomes so frustrating that when you take a good look at it you don't really know exactly the best approach to take or exactly where to begin. Sometimes this feeling of frustration and being overwhelmed causes us to try to ignore it and do nothing. But eventually it just gets so weedy and so thorny that there isn't any beauty left in the garden and the weeds are so thick that they become impossible to ignore any longer.

When our gardens get to this point the first thing we have to do is take a walk through the garden and really take a good, hard look at ALL of the plants that are growing there. Then we have to figure out which plants are the ones that are supposed to be in the garden, and which ones are weeds!

In the gardens of our lives, the plants that we want growing are: love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance. These are the plants that contain the ability to produce an abundance of beautiful blooms that will make us happy and from time to time, make others take notice of our beautiful gardens.

The plants in our gardens that are weeds are: anger, jealousy, selfishness, resentfulness, impatience, bitterness, deceitfulness, harshness and hatred. Almost all of these have very deep roots and some of these invite other weeds. Some of these are not immediately easy to recognize because they try to hide within the plants we wish to keep or they try to look like a good and beautiful plant. Let's face it, some weeds look pretty but that doesn't change the fact that they are a weed!

When we realize exactly which plants are which, there is only one solution to fixing our garden. We have to methodically remove the weeds by their roots! And yes, that is hard work, it's time consuming and it can cause some aches and pains during the weeding process. However, the end result is that by getting rid of these weeds they can no longer steal the sunshine, water and fertilizer from the plants the we want to thrive.

Also, we have to diligently continue to walk through our gardens and take a good look at out plants because the weeds will always continue to try to invade and take over again. It is much easier to pull a weed when it first begins to sprout than it is to try to pull that same weed if it is allowed to continue to grow for a while.

There is yet another interesting aspect to our gardens. Both the wonderful plants and the weeds are capable of reproducing by making seeds and spreading them. Every person we come in contact with have a garden of their own. Some people don't want beautiful plants in their gardens, they only want the weeds because weeds never require any hard work or maintenance. And sometimes our gardens can spread the seeds of the beautiful plants to the gardens of others, and their plants with share seeds with us whether they are the plants we want or weeds! And once someone decides that they don't want any unnecessary weeds sprouting in their own gardens, they often choose to try to avoid people who grow more weeds than good plants.

I've realized that my personal garden got over rand with weeds, and I decided that I was tired of the weeds hiding and killing my good plants. So, I'm wading through the weeds and struggling with getting their roots out. Some I've discovered have such deep roots that I can't physically pull the root out. No, I'm going to have to get a shovel and dig VERY deep to get the roots of those weeds out.

So, what's growing in your garden? Is it beautiful plants or weeds?

It's time to...FLY!

 

FLY
by Flhomeschoolmom
Scrapbook.com

 

What does it mean to FLY?  Well, the capital letters FLY actually stand for Finally Love Yourself.  This is something that I first heard about several years ago while trying to follow the FlyLady system.  And, I must admit that I have not been successful with her system because I almost ALWAYS fall off the wagon and things go back to CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  But, clutter is an issue for another blog post at another time.

 

One thing that I have found about myself is that it is quite easy for me to love other people and it's easy for me to love animals.  But, I struggle with being able to love myself.  Why?  Well, I've given this a lot of thought and ultimately I've come to the conclusion that it has to do with how I was raised and events that happened in my life before I became an adult.  I am an adult survivor of child abuse.  I have a constant broken record that regularly plays over and over in my head with very negative and self destructive messages.  I could share those messages, but I won't. 

 

This year however, I have set out on a mission.  My mission is to FLY, to Finally Love Myself.  So far, it is March 24th and I have yet to make a single entry into my 2016 FLY journal.  The picture on this post is my journal cover and it's actually made entirely out of junk...but that's not important.  What is important is that I enjoyed making the journal cover, I loved how it turned out, and completing it gave me a positive boost of self accomplishment.  I think that often those of us who live with clinical depression and anxiety, for whatever reason, have a lot of difficulty with feeling good about ourselves and anything that does make us feel happy, proud, etc. is something that we should continue to do.

 

I have asked myself multiple times this year why I haven't yet made a single entry into my FLY journal, and I think I have finally come to a conclusion.  I've not made an entry into the journal yet because everything that I've had a desire or need to journal has been negative and not positive.  If I'm working on finding a way to finally love myself, then wouldn't making negative journal entries defeat that purpose? 

 

 

"Great Expectations" and Mid Life

Today finds me in the middle of creating literature study guides for Charles Dicken's novel "Great Expectations" for my 10th grade and 8th grade boys who are homeschooled.  I always liked the novel, but never paid a lot of attention to certain things in it...like Miss Havisham and her creepy house.  I don't think that most school age kids really grasp that novel and I'm happy to be having to read it again at a much older age.

 

While I'm definately NOT Miss Havisham, I have recently been finding myself in a unique place.  I don't know if I'm beginning to hit my "mid life crisis" or exactly what is going on.  I'm drifting back to music I loved as a teenager, my "style" is changing and I can't honestly say it's becoming more "mature"...more like more "gothic".  Deep down I thought that the weird "Gothic" phase I went through between the ages of 18 and 19 were just that, a phase.  However, I find myself drifting back to it.  I'm not saying that I go grocery shopping decked out in black lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and jet black nails.  Nor can I say that I've went as far as to dye my hair from it's natural medium/dark brown to crimson red.  But purple is sounding intriguing....ROFL.

 

But seriously, almost a year ago I was "informed" by an 18 year old girl that HER generation invented the funky colored hair.  When she said that, I had to laugh and then I had to pull out pictures that were taken when I was in high school.  The pictures weren't of me, but they were of my friends and classmates.  Some people had raspberry blue hair, others had grape purple, some had fruit punch red, and there was even some lemon-aide (including strawberry lemon-aid) and lime-aid colors.  Now, WHY do those hair colors sound like kool-aid flavors?  Because that's exactly what they are.  There's a non-toxic technique for dying your hair with kool-aid, coffee and tea will work too if you want more natural colors, lol. 

 

I'm also finding that my parenting is changing a bit.  As my children get older, I'm giving them more freedom.  Some of that "freedom" has led to learning interesting things about my boys.  My oldest son wanted to take photography as a school elective, and I discovered that he's a very good photographer and his favorite subject matter appears to be nature.  However, he's also taken a few interesting "selfies" with our digi camera...one makes me want to label it "Class Clown". I also learned that he despises jeans and button-up shirts.  He always looked so good as my "preppy" kid, lol.  My youngest son has decided that he wants to have long hair.  He looks good with longer hair, and he can continue to let it grow as long as he keeps it washed and brushed.  And I've learned that not only does he dislike sports, he also hates wearing sports themed clothes.  In fact, it would seem his favorite clothing colors are black...and he too hates jeans.  And allowing my children this "freedom" has caused some backlash from in-laws.  My MIL is a 60 something year old pastor of a church.  In her opinion, I should "force" my boys to maintain a "clean cut" look.  Why?  Would I prefer for my boys to go through their "learning" phase while at home where they can have positive guidance or would I prefer for them to "rebel"?  I remember being the teenager who had EVERYTHING dictated to her...how to dress, how to act, what to listen to, who to be friends with, and even who to date.  Yeah, that resulted in a MAJOR rebellion phase.  I don't wish the same for my boys, and I'm finding that when you give your children trust and "wiggle room", you not only learn about your kids, but you also give them the opportunity to earn MORE trust.  Am I saying that we should always trust our teenagers 100% of the time with everything and never give them any "restrictions"?  No, but I think that teens should be given trust unless they have given us a reason to NOT trust them.  Along with that I believe that good, sound guidelines should be in place...sort of like, "yes you can go out with your friends, however I would like to know where you are going, who you are going to be with, and I expect you home at a certain time."  Why do I want to know where my kids are and who they are with?  Well, I'm a mom who cares a LOT about her boys and I simply can't shake some of the "old fashioned" ways I was raised.

Time for Coffee and an Introduction

Hello and welcome to my blog!  Please grab yourself a cup of coffee, tea or cocoa and let's talk.

 

My name is Ali and I'm a thirty something stay-at-home mom who homeschools my two teenage boys.  I have always homeschooled my children and consider it a blessing to know my boys as well as I do.  And, I'm fairly confident that I have managed to raise a couple of dudes who will one day make excellent, loving, and godly husbands for some lucky ladies.  But, while I feel rather confident of that, I'm not in any hurry for them to meet "the one" and get married and start working on making me a grandma!

 

I have been married to my husband for seventeen years now.  I find it amazing every time we celebrate an anniversary and I prove to myself and others that "yes, real love does exist" and "yes, marriages can be made to last".  And let me just say, that if you are unmarried or just recently married and you stumble across this blog, marriage is NOT a fairy tale!  If you think that your foot fit the slipper, your prince found it and you're going to live "happily ever after"...you were likely drunk when you lost your shoe, pumpkins don't turn to coaches, and marriages don't work without a lot of give and take, forgiveness, and compromise.  But, even I like an occasional fairy tale now and then.

 

I struggle with depression and anxiety, and sometimes those two things can over shadow the "joys" of my life.  I hate it when I have flare ups with those, but it happens.  I'm not going to sugar coat everything and say that I totally have my life together, I'm perfectly organized, I'm Betty Crocker in the kitchen, my kids look like they stepped out of fashion magazines, etc.  The truth is, some days I don't get out of my pajamas, shower, or brush my hair.  Some days...the bad days...I don't want to get out of bed or off the sofa.  Some days, cooking is a major chore and laundry gets done out of necessity.  THAT is the reality of living with "major depressive disorder" and "generalized anxiety disorder".  Yes, I'm medicated for my depression and anxiety, and the medicine does help, but it isn't a "cure".  As far as I know, there isn't a "cure".  But, I use my hobbies AND my belief in God to help find a "spark of hope" when everything looks really black, drab, and dreary.  Sometimes, I simply HAVE to make my own sunshine!

 

Now, what exactly is this blog going to be about?  Hmm...I'm not really sure, probably a little bit of everything. So, I'll just tell you how I decided on the title for this blog.  The title for this blog came about partly from my hobbies and partly from a conversation with my mother-in-law when we went shopping together a couple of days ago. 

 

I'm a VERY scrappy person.  I love scrap quilts, scrapbooking, making handmade cards and envelopes for "happy mail", collecting "tid bits" of things, and recycling.  I'm absolutely addicted to paper, especially pretty paper.  And I'm equally addicted to handmade paper and making paper.  I keep at least one (sometimes more than one) compost bin going at all times in my yard, I love plants...all kinds of plants, and I have a major soft spot for cats.  Ok, my sister tells me that I'm one cat away from being "the crazy cat lady".  My current "fur babies" are: Spooky (a 3 yr. old black and white long hair female that I rescued), Bandit (a two year old white and black short hair that sort of looks like he's wearing a bandit mask), Nibbles (a two year old white and grey short hair that well...nibbles), Mini (a two year old stunted black and white short hair who is half the size of a "normal" cat), and a grey tabby named Chubs that I have no idea how old he is...someone dropped him off at my house and he has taken up residence with my other cats.  Bandit, Nibbles, and Mini are all the children of Spooky and another cat I used to have who sadly had a bad encounter with a neighbors dog...rest in peace Garfield :(

 

Now that you know a little bit about me, let me tell you about the conversation with my mother-in-law that led to the creation of this blog.  While she and I were out shopping a couple of days ago, something that we do about once a month or so, she told me "Ali, I don't know how you do what you do.  You live on a tight budget in a small house, you homeschool, etc. and yet you don't really complain about how difficult things are, why?"  My response was, "my hobbies are how I do it all.  I have to have hobbies to keep me looking forward to something new."  She sort of smiled and said, "yeah, I have no interest in scrapbooking because my life has been one big scrapbook".  I didn't say anything to that because I knew that she did not mean that in a positive light.  To her, the "scrapbook of her life" is one disaster and one let down after another...it's all a bunch of "scraps" without anything substantial to show for it.  But, what she fails to realize is that we are ALL "scrapbooks".  If ANY person looks back on their life, they are viewing their personal "scrapbook"...it's memories, it's challenges, it's good and it's bad, it's happy and it's sad, it's treasures and it's junk.  The fact that our lives are made up of "scraps" isn't a bad thing, we just have to decide what to do with those "scraps".  We can put them in a book with photos, we can journal them, we can "smash them" (yes, I like smash booking), we can artfully depict them, we can craft them into a quilt, or we can just stash them in a book or binder and call it a personal junk journal (yes, I junk journal).  Either way, any way you want to look at this crazy, wonderful thing we call life, we will leave things behind when our time on earth is over...I mean, we can't take anything with us! 

 

If you want to know more about how I make my life work, how I deal with depression and anxiety, or my crafty endeavors, then please follow me!  I might just amaze you at how wonderful "The Scraps of Life" can be.