What does it mean to FLY? Well, the capital letters FLY actually stand for Finally Love Yourself. This is something that I first heard about several years ago while trying to follow the FlyLady system. And, I must admit that I have not been successful with her system because I almost ALWAYS fall off the wagon and things go back to CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). But, clutter is an issue for another blog post at another time.
One thing that I have found about myself is that it is quite easy for me to love other people and it's easy for me to love animals. But, I struggle with being able to love myself. Why? Well, I've given this a lot of thought and ultimately I've come to the conclusion that it has to do with how I was raised and events that happened in my life before I became an adult. I am an adult survivor of child abuse. I have a constant broken record that regularly plays over and over in my head with very negative and self destructive messages. I could share those messages, but I won't.
This year however, I have set out on a mission. My mission is to FLY, to Finally Love Myself. So far, it is March 24th and I have yet to make a single entry into my 2016 FLY journal. The picture on this post is my journal cover and it's actually made entirely out of junk...but that's not important. What is important is that I enjoyed making the journal cover, I loved how it turned out, and completing it gave me a positive boost of self accomplishment. I think that often those of us who live with clinical depression and anxiety, for whatever reason, have a lot of difficulty with feeling good about ourselves and anything that does make us feel happy, proud, etc. is something that we should continue to do.
I have asked myself multiple times this year why I haven't yet made a single entry into my FLY journal, and I think I have finally come to a conclusion. I've not made an entry into the journal yet because everything that I've had a desire or need to journal has been negative and not positive. If I'm working on finding a way to finally love myself, then wouldn't making negative journal entries defeat that purpose?
Good for you Ali. as a survivor as well I understand the dialogue quite well. Take this time, learn, laugh, and love... yourself. It's ok, even though some may call you selfish. It's their issue, not yours. Set boundaries on your terms and take the world by storm.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kimberly! Right now I'm LEARNING a lot :)
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